World Championships & Life Lessons

When we take to social media or the blogosphere, it’s easy to want to brag about one’s successes. I’m guilty of that, but I hope such stories are also covered in humility.

Virtually all of our success, I would argue, is a combination of the positive influence of others and our own determination. But with that said, I thought I’d share a story of when I reached for the stars…. and fell on my face. I want to share examples like that though in the framework of something positive.

When I pursue a new goal, I think of two sayings.

Always happy; never satisfied & It’s ok to be disappointed; it’s not ok to be discouraged.

I just sent out two more queries this afternoon on the novel I wrote this summer. As I pursue that larger writing goal, I think of those two quotes.

In a previous blog, I wrote about how to reach success after setbacks. I’m trying to look at my ambitions from a variety of perspectives, trying to find some extra motivation to reach new goals. And I find it helpful to look at those setbacks more closely.

One of my biggest goals from the last decade was to compete and place in the US Open World Martial Arts Championships. After some success in local tournaments, my eyes got bigger. I was happy, you see, but not satisfied. That seems to be a pattern for me, much more so when I was younger. But I think having constant new challenges is healthy for the mind, body, and spirit. I do want to be happy—and I am—but I also don’t want to be too content or too satisfied that I never stop learning and challenging myself.

So back in the mid 2000s, I made a goal to place in the US Open World Martial Arts Championships. I competed in the adult black belt forms division in the summer of 2005. Talk about stage fright! ESPN was there recording on the main stage where black belts competed (no, I never saw myself on TV), and as I announced my form introduction, I thought I would surely throw up on the judges. Here are a couple of pictures of my actual forms competition at the world championships.

That was a great summer for training. I worked out every day, completing the formal 90 day P90X program for the first time that would later inspire me to want to become a P90X certified instructor. I also practiced my kata (form)  a dozen times a day at least.

There were over 100 competitors on that main stage, and only the top ten received formal awards. When all was said and done, I was not one of the top ten. I do not know where I ranked to this day, although I sure like to think it was somewhere in the teens! Not knowing my rank and not placing in the top ten disappoints me still. For all of you who work so hard to accomplish something: Have you ever felt that disappointment? I must have trained and worked out 3 hours a day that summer. And when I first looked back at all that hard work, it felt like it was for nothing. But that’s stupid, and if we think all the work we’ve put into something—even if we didn’t earn a reward—is worthless, we are missing the big point.

It’s ok to be disappointed. It’s not ok to be discouraged. All the hard work we put into our life’s ambitions makes us stronger, and even if we fail (I hate that word) at one goal, we can apply that determinism and the life lessons we learned to new goals.  Competing in the world championships was a great life experience for me, and the lessons I learned would be passed on to my martial arts students, several of whom competed in the US Open World Martial Arts Championships a couple years later. Several of those students placed and have “world champion” on their resume. That is pretty sweet!

You see, as I work to publish a novel (or any number of goals), I remember my training to compete in the US Open. I practiced every day. Well, the daily writing I do on this blog is some my writing practice (plus revisions and other stories I don’t want to share publicly yet). And if like my US Open experience, what if my biggest writing goals never come to life? That’s ok. Because I am having fun on this journey, and learning new things about myself, about others who share their writing and blogs with me, and about others who leave comments and send me messages. That makes all of this practice worth it. And if nothing else, my writing skills will sharpen as I age, right? My ability to compete athletically may not increase as I age. So thankfully this goal only requires some time to sit and imagine!

Thank you for all of you who encourage me to write and are rooting for me to succeed. Tell me about  your goals and ambitions, and I am every bit as happy to cheer for you too. Remember: It’s the influence of others plus our own determination that are the two main ingredients for success.

Success after Setbacks: On Overcoming Challenges and Pursuing Your Dreams

There is a ton of advice on accomplishing one’s dreams, and for good reasons: dreams and the pursuit of those dreams energize us and drive our human spirit forward. But nothing can be as disheartening as a setback. Notice, I won’t call it a failure. The only time you fail is if you quit, and setbacks can make us stronger.

If you’re a writer who has received a rejection letter, a dreamer who hasn’t (yet) landed that dream job, or any number of examples, you know what I mean. I’d like to share my strategies for overcoming setbacks.

Take a break

Most writers will agree that after you’ve written something, you need to step away from it for a few weeks to a few months. It’s easy to get excited about an idea or a finished piece of work, and we want to send it to the masses immediately. That’s ok, but if you receive the rejection letters, remember to take a break. There’s no need to immediately dive in and revise. Step away for a bit, and when you do return to your work, you’ll have fresh perspectives and make it even better than you thought it was originally.

The same can be said of many things. If you didn’t get the job of your dreams, many may tell you to work harder and keep at it. You should of course, but why not take a mental break from applications, interviews, and just from thinking about the damn thing. Give yourself a deadline; you don’t want to give up on your dreams. But if you’ve had several setbacks, perhaps it’s time for a two week vacation. Like in writing, you’ll come back and see new perspectives with a rejuvenated energy that may be exactly what you need to accomplish your goals.

Invest in a new creative project

I write a lot. You may act a lot, or draw a lot, or simply work a lot. We want to be successful in each of our goals, but sometimes to keep the creative juices freshly flowing, it helps to tackle a different kind of project. You’ll learn to use different creative aspects and you’ll find strategies that may help you with your biggest desires.

For example, if you’re an actor, why not try to direct a small show? If you’re a writer, why not try to draw (as bad as it could be) visual concepts for your work? Or if you are terrible at drawing (as I am), collaborate with an artist and help him or her discover the full concept of your vision. Don’t you think your vision will also be sharpened?

You could even learn something entirely new. Drop what you are doing, take that break (like my first idea), and learn something new: take a class on a musical instrument or take one semester of a foreign language at  your local college. It’s not a bad idea to browse your college’s catalog and find something different. Maybe a tai chi class will do the trick. We all need to move out of our comfort zones and explore diverse creative interests to strengthen the creativity we need for our current goals and projects.

Walk daily

Sound too easy? It is easy, but the payoffs are incredible. This is something I discovered this summer. I’m already an exercise fanatic. I hit the gym hard 4-5 times a week. But that’s my problem: I hit it hard and lose myself in the workouts. That’s great, and I think we all need that level of intensity too. But I wanted to add something simple that would let me think and get me out of the house, away from distractions and technology, and let my mind wonder. And while I certainly don’t mind a walk or hike with friends, I think you need to have some time alone too. It’s being alone, outdoors, and away from everything that opens the mind to new ideas.

So 5-6 days a week, I take a walk outside for 30-60 minutes, depending on the time I have available. I have two dogs, so they are benefiting from this idea too, but here’s the thing: I don’t look at my phone or computer during that time. I breathe fresh air. I walk in different directions. I try to find paths that inspire me. Sometimes I drive my car to a place I want to walk for different scenery. I think about my work, my writing, my relationships, and more. And almost every evening, I come home and immediately write down a few ideas that popped in my head. These ideas, I have no doubt, would not have developed if I had not taken time to just get the hell out of the house and walk and think and clear my mind from all other distractions. Try it for one week, and I promise it will be something you’ll want to do all the time.

Collaborate

Writing in particular is a lonely job, but when you are going for your dream job, you’re also on your own in that job interview. When you want something, talk to others who have accomplished the goals you are pursuing. It’s only common sense, but sometimes we are shy and don’t want to put ourselves out there.

When I applied for my college teaching position, I contacted the professors at the department in which I was applying. I asked if I could meet with them individually for a 30 minute chat and pick their brains about their work. I wanted to know about their daily routines, what they loved, their frustrations, and the work they did prior to landing my dream job. Those conversations helped, and I did get the job of my dreams. Each person had different perspectives, and I took time to think about all of their experiences and what I could bring to the table too.

I also practiced my interview. I asked friends and colleagues if they would give me a mock interview and provide genuine feedback to my answers. I took nothing for granted, and I wanted to be the absolute best. I’m convinced it’s those steps that landed me my dream job. And now I have to repeat those steps with each new goal, like connecting with other writers, learning about publication, and finding a circle of readers I trust to give me raw feedback on the work I want to succeed.

Create your success story

Finally, I do think we all need confidence from our previous accomplishments. This step is like building a resume, but I think of it as more personal than that. It’s your life narrative, the accomplishments you’ve made, the steps you took to get there, and the methods in which you overcame previous setbacks.

Here are a few of mine, very early in my teaching career. Each one had setbacks.

When applying for my first teaching job, it was obvious the superintendent at the high school where I had applied wanted a coach. I’m not a coach. I don’t have much of an organized sports record. But I won him over by demonstrating my love of that particular school. You have to show that you really love the place where you want to be. I did several things to make this happen, and after my interview, he told a colleague, “Joe’s passion for our school and community is unmatched.”

In my second year of teaching, I convinced a world-wide best-selling author, who normally charges $30,000 to visit schools and speak, to attend my classes for free. That was awesome. You have to understand that of course he said no at first. I was not willing to accept that. It took an incredible amount of persistence, but I  talked best-selling author Mitch Albom into visiting with all of my classes and speaking at my high school.

I took a small after-school martial arts program and built it up to national recognition: We won Black Belt Magazine’s Best Children’s Program in the United States award in 2008. The key to that success was commitment and collaboration. There were semesters in which I had only a few students. I didn't let that stop my enthusiasm. By the end of my leadership of that program, we have over one hundred students involved.

Those were accomplishments all very early in my career, and there are others more meaningful to me from recent years. I tell all of these stories when pursuing a new goal. I tell them to myself first, as a reminder of what can be done. And you don’t have to win any national awards to build your story. Start with the projects, the jobs, and the people you’ve worked with: How did you better the world around you? And how will the accomplishment of your current goal better the world too? That’s the story you learn, and that’s the story you tell to those who will listen.

You’ll conquer all of your dreams, and I will too. It takes a high level of confidence with the highest level of humility. Believe in yourself, and work your ass off.  No great reward is earned without great work.

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My regrets

I don’t promote thinking about regrets, but I definitely have several I try to ignore. One of the biggest regrets I have is “Why didn’t I do this sooner? Or more consistently?” 

When I finished my second master’s degree, my regret was that I did not go for it earlier. Life would have been so much better if I had completed this hard work when I was younger, right?

When I earned my black belt, I wished that I had started martial arts at age 6 instead of age 12 because then I would have been so much more advanced.

When I complete a fitness program, I regret that I did not start sooner. What if I had completed these programs years ago instead of doing them now? I think about how much better I would be in shape, if only I had started earlier. I could have found the time if I really wanted to do so. I just did not have the resources or the motivation.

I bang my head when I think of the results I would already have if I had started these programs—and stuck with them consistently—years ago. 

But there is a flip-side to regret. The first idea to apply is that the regrets diminish the moment you start applying yourself. The regrets are bigger the longer you wait, so do not wait any longer to begin the journey for your goals. 

The other thing I tell myself is that I would not be who I am today if I did things differently, and I am happy with who I am. The timing of my second master’s degree led to my dream job. The timing of my martial arts training led to a national award winning martial arts program. The timing of my current fitness goals led to me becoming a fitness instructor, a coach, this blog, and the daily encouragement I try to give to others to get started.

So I want you to picture who you could be and who you could influence if you complete your goals. The potential for inspiration we have is limitless. Do not regret not having pursued your goals yesterday; regret that you are not pursuing your goals today. Make a change, make a commitment, and make a difference. Today.

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